Here’s a shocker: it seems a lot of Millennial women don’t like dating Millennial men.
When I first came across this article, I thought the reason might be tied in, somehow, with the whole “feminization of men” thing. You know what I mean: the triumph of indifference and irony as the dominant style points, the self-mockery, the vague (and sometimes not so vague) air of helplessness. And my own pet peeve: the apparent requirement that male pop artists sing in falsetto, a trend that can’t go away soon enough. How desirable can all this squishiness possibly be?
That’s part of it, as you’ll see. But there’s an area where a lot of Millennial guys are apparently not squishy: making sure, as aggressively as possible, that the women understand there is no future relationship on offer.
From the article:
Men are impolite to the point of viciousness to ensure that the women they just hooked up with understand they don’t want a relationship. Women “self-objectify” in profile pictures to get men interested, renouncing the “wrong idea” that they might want something more than a one-night stand. No matter which way you spin it, landing yourself in a committed relationship seems to be, by millennial standards, “the wrong idea.”
In response, says the author:
I’ve noticed a new strategy among my set of female friends—lovely, intelligent, independent women—to combat the grime of the online dating world: date up.
I don’t mean status, I mean age. More and more women I know are dating men twice, yes twice, their age. In her new film, The Intern, Anne Hathaway stands with Robert DeNiro and a bunch of young male colleagues in a bar and draws a harsh comparison: “How in one generation have men gone from guys like Jack Nicholson and Harrison Ford to . . .?” She gestures despairingly at the four men in front of her, archetypes of my generation in their hoodies, craft beer in one hand, iPhone in the other, with their untrimmed beards and general lack of ambition. I see what Hathaway means: Why put up with Tinder when there’s a whole generation of men out there who wouldn’t dream of using it?
Not only that, but the older men are actually…um…better dates. And maybe more.
My friend Gabrielle met her boyfriend at a restaurant opening. They are twenty years apart, and they’ve been together for two. He “treats me like I’m a person,” she told me. “I watch so many of my other friends agonize over text messages from guys who . . . just clearly don’t care.” The stereotypes, she says, are true: Older men are attentive, they aren’t threatened by your career success, they didn’t grow up watching porn on their laptops, and they certainly don’t expect sex from you before you’ve even had a chance to meet. It’s not an “old-fashioned” dating scheme, it’s just a more humane one. “I wasn’t trying to go back in time,” Gabrielle added at the end of our conversation. “Nobody wants to go back to the 1950s, we just want to be treated with respect.”
The money quote, I think, is: “How in one generation have men gone from guys like Jack Nicholson and Harrison Ford to…?”